New Show Is Here

For a while I haven’t publish anything. Because I’m too busy with both art making and taking care of Ethan. I am so exhausted but so happy that these two things can be balanced together. And hope I can keep it this way!

Here are some photos of my art works from an exhibition at Tompkins County Public Library in NY state. It’s on from January to March 31st.

Later, I will upload some of my latest works too. Or you can follow my Instagram account sketchbook and you will see all my daily practice.

Thank everyone’s support and thank life. I feel motivated and powerful as a mom and an artist. 🙂


A new painting

Things are moving very slow. It has been a month that Ethan wouldn’t go to bed in the night. He is too young to understand day and night. Sometimes I feel his day is not 24 hours. One day it’s 20 hours, another is 18, then a following active 48 hours. I slowly adjusted myself to follow his schedule with music, movie, painting, and tons cups of coffee. Not much reading.

Overall he is so lovely. He already starts to call “mama”, “papa”, “oh pa”, “oh ha”, “ah boo”, “moo moo”, etc. etc. He can flip to his tummy and stay playing toys in tummy time. He loves to use his legs and feet to attempt standing and jumping. Also, he loves to observe anything everything.

It’s unfinished. I was very anxious about painting slowly. I know stuck on one piece for too long will lost the feeling of it. However, when looking at Ethan, I enjoy every little step of advancing he made. Therefore, I want myself to enjoy every precious time I saved for painting too, instead of wasting my mind on worrying. Also I believe as long as one really be there and remains there with ones work, the sense will not be lost so easily, and the intuitions and insights will be approached eventually.

The First Painting

Time flies. I checked the calendar and saw I posted almost a month ago. No doubt I was very busy. However, things are getting into orders and I, finally, finished first painting.

It seems that I can’t get enough time for sketching and planing. So I just go ahead and pick up my oil brushes. The good thing is because I am thinking about drawings and paintings all the time, and I am observing Ethan all the time, so I “sketch” in my mind all the time, which might help.

Now looking back to when I started the Artist Residency in Motherhood, reread the qestionnarie I did, I feel things are getting better. 🙂

Here attached my manifesto for myself as an artist @ARIM.

In the past, many artists told me that I should not have children if you want to be an artist. I understand why, and partly I agree with them. However at the same time, I disagree. Because becoming a mom is also one of my dreams. I do not think my dream of being an artist is against the dream of being a mom. I want to be both, and I want to be good at both.

Now, with my son in my arms, there are moments, I feel so calm and confident, like the time stopped, like the whole world did not exist. I feel so powerful and so insignificant at the same time. I hope time flies and time freezes at the same time. I am so exhausted but so excited at the same time. I am grateful to life and awed by life at the same time. For all those feelings, I believe they can help me become a better artist, a better painter that I wish to be.

Therefore, I will undergo this self-imposed artist residency in order to fully experience and explore the fragmented focus, nap-length studio time, limited movement and resources and general upheaval that parenthood brings and allow it to shape the direction of my work, rather than working against it.



More paintings are coming. :))

The divergent week

This week I got less time to do watercolor sketches, because of job hunting, finding daycare for Ethan, contacting galleries for exhibition opportunities, and the last few steps of our moving.

However, I got more time to think. What is the direction of my new works? Yes, I want to paint baby, not only because of Ethan. I have this wish for a long time. It starts from a painting by Gerhard Richter  Moritz by Gerhard Richter.

There is something, now let me roughly say it is half-human half-animal, of a little baby. Not saying it is the direction I want to go to, painting little animal-human, just it catches me, and stays. I want a real model, like Ethan, not some photos, to observe, to paint from live. The close observation and spending time with is so important that it is the only way that I can bring out truth.

So happily, at least now, I think I got the sense of what direction this is leading to. I will be upset and depress soon, as soon as I start to sketching for the paintings. But at least now, let me enjoy one flash of happiness.

Next week will be Ethan’s first week in a daycare. I feel very sad and very guilty about it. I want to be with him, especially when he is so young, only two and half months old. However, at the same time, I understand that a better career, can bring him much more than what I am giving now. And I need time to paint.

Wish he will understand and forgive me one day. I love him so much.

Reading while Breastfeeding

Recently, I find that breastfeeding is a good time to read. I have a kindle, which helps a lot. You can use one hand to manage everything, read, turn the page, highlight, quote, even share it online. Ethan enjoys a quiet time to have his meal for usually 30 to 45 mins. I enjoy a quiet and not short time to read, can finish several pages, and mark all the information I need. Both of us are relaxing and happy. 🙂

From today’s reading:

“I always thought, that an artist’s was the hardest life of all. Its rigour – not always apparent to an outside observer – is that an artist has to navigate forward into the unknown guided only by an internal sense of direction keep up a set of standards which are imposed entirely from within, meanwhile maintaining faith that the task he or she has set him or herself is worth struggling constantly to achieve. This is all contrary to the notion of bohemian disorder.” – says LF from Man with a Blue Scarf.

The first week in my Artist Residency in Motherhood (09/17)

Ethan has already go to bed. I checked several times. He looks so perfect, which melts my heart. I got a little bit time for myself now, and I am not sure if I can have any personal time in the rest of this week. So I decided to write something done.

English is not my mother language, and I am too tired to think clear. So forgive me if you read “odd murmurs” here.

The first week of my residency has went fine. I tried to catch every nap time to sketch, late night for watercolor mainly. Works here:

08262017head copy






09052017red copy


Whoa! The last head looks huge! 🙂

I enjoy doing these watercolor sketches. The thing bothers me is what are they going to be. I knew I will do oil paintings later, if I can get more time, which seems hopeless now. But, let us put time issue away, just optimistically wish I got enough time and enough space to do it. What am I going to do?

Another question is, obvious in these sketches, I am only interested in the head part. Why? I do not know. I look at his head and his face most of the time. I look at him, and I am fascinated by his face, his head, his chin, his mouth, his eyelash. I might hold his hand all the time, but my eyes, my gaze, go to his face. As soon as I painted the clothes part, I lost my interest. Tho I bought so many clothes, too many for a little infant, for him. I have no interest to paint them.

Also, as contemporary art, I have several ideas behind these drawings/paintings, or statement I can make. However, for some reason, I want to keep it simple, keep it pure, this time. Only paint, only draw, just between I and him, just what I saw, what I feel. Because when I am holding him, the whole world disappears, time stops.

I have to go to bed now. Need sleep to keep my brain working. Night. Night.